Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude. I can hear the air.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
