Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
