My hand turned me down
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
