I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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