I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
