The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
