2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
