You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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