Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
