Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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