You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
