my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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