I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
