I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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