ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
