Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
