i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The air was thick with penises
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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