It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
