Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
