i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize