I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
