I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
