my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
