the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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