Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
