if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
