Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
