well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
