addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Two words: nipple clamps
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