life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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