Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
