then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
