shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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