Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
