Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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