Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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