oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
