My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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