That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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