dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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