we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize