i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
