You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
