Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
