Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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