I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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