So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
