I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
