we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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