I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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