drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
