What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
