Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
