So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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