we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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