We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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