can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
