It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
