Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just tell him i said nine months
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
