i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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