I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
