I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
