That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
