That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
