so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
