i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
