Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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