And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
