One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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