They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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